Transitioning Through Grief and Loss
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The Book of Job |
September 3, 2006 |
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A. Job's Situation
- This was a spiritual man with a good family.
Read Job 1:1-5
- God allows Satan the opportunity to test his
faith. Satan doesn't believe that faith in God
can hold up under extreme duress, so God allows for
an experiment.
Read Job 1:12
- One very bad day.
Read Job 1:13-19
- Job's initial response.
Read Job 1:20-22
- The second round.
Read Job 2:1-8
A pretty dismal picture. Can anything make it
worse?
B. Job's Wife
- Read Job 2:9-10
"You make me sick, Job. Still hanging
onto your God after all this? Curse God and
die!
Thanks, hon. So now Job is totally alone.
C. Job's Friends
Three friends come along, Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar,
and later, a guy named Elihu (Larry, Mo and Curly, and
later Shemp).
- They start off doing exactly the right
thing. They sit quietly and listen as Job
begins to mourn out loud, wishing he'd never been
born, rather than having to suffer such a horrific
loss. The friends weep with him, tear their
clothes and mourn with him. For seven days and
nights they stand by as Job cries out to God and
gives vent to his sadness, anger and cross
examination of God.
Job 2:11-13
- Eli, Billie and Zoey finally can't stand it.
Nine speeches that basically go like this:
- Who could resist shushing you? You once
instructed others and now you're acting like
this? You've held others up, and now you're
coming apart? Where's your faith,
dude?
- Now, let me remind you that no one was ever
punished by God without cause, says Eliphaz.
Those who plow evil and sow trouble reap it. (Job
4:8) So, you must have brought this on
yourself.
- If I were you, I'd appeal to God. He
wounds but He also binds up. So go to God,
‘fess up and then He'll heal you and stop all
these calamities.
Job answers, "I can't repent of something I didn't
do. Your old formulas are breaking down. I
won't pretend and blame myself for these
calamities."
And the more Job objects to all the pat answers and sad
shallow Sunday school logic, the more they accuse.
Finally, they give up on him in chapter 32. Elihu
enters, angry with Job, and reiterates a simple
principle, "God is only just, so if calamity has
come on you, then you must have done something to tick
him off."
D. God Speaks (Job 38-41)
God can't stand the gibberish anymore and jumps in.
- First to Job: Brace yourself. You've
been asking all these questions. Now I will
question you.
Read Job 38:3-12, 25-30, 33-36; 39:1-2, 13-18,
19-20, 26-27
- And you correct me? You accuse me? You
question me?
- Job, (40:4)"so sorry, I put my hand over my
mouth".
- God says, "Brace yourself like a man"
(40:7) because I'm not done yet. Look at the
behemoth…look at the leviathan (crocodile)…
Who has the power to tame them, you or me?"
E. Job's Response
I get it Lord. I spoke too quickly about things that are
beyond me. I hear you, Lord. I repent.
F. Now God turns to the friends as
part of a kind of epilogue.
You've blown it, too. Go and confess to Job's face
and let Job pray for you. His prayer will be
enough to keep me from dealing with you in the way you
deserve.
Then Job is given a new life with a new family and a new
wave of blessing, including a healthier support network
to help him through his grief. (Job 42:11)
Some obvious applications:
- There are some things we'll never know this side
of heaven. One of the marks of maturity in
this life is growing acceptance of ambiguity.
One of the marks of maturity in our faith is the
determination to trust the character of God even
though this earth doesn't always make sense.
- There are some things we can be absolutely sure of
this side of heaven. From Job, God is the one
in control, with the power and a plan, and it's too
much for us to really grasp.
- No one is immune from suffering and loss.
The very-spiritual will also suffer, and sometimes
more. Though wrong doing often does instigate
a whole chain of calamities and consequences (cause
and effect), calamity is not always caused by
wrongdoing. (Jesus even makes this point…).
Though living God's way will usually produce fewer
spiraling chain-reactions of self-destruction, there
are no guarantees except this: In the world
you will have tribulation.
- It's hard to walk alongside a grieving person, and
even harder to walk quietly, to be patient and to
resist the temptation to explain or
fix. (Men – overcome the
temptation to minimize or fix. Women –
overcome the temptation to tell your own story, from
Deborah Tannen, "You Just Don't
Understand").
- Grief takes time and has a life of its own.
Depending on the nature of the loss and the depth of
the sadness, it can go on for years, or even for a
lifetime. While it helps to know that we are
eternal beings, there's certainly no pleasure in the
knowledge that a few people will grieve for all the
days of this life.
- There are choices we can make in grief that can
help us in grief and through grief.
- Grief will exact its toll. If we pretend it
doesn't exist or try to hurry through it, grief has
a way of popping up or chasing us down. I
believe that depressions and much anger are grief
related, and often they flare up because we've tried
to ignore or disrespect the deeper sad nesses.
- How we respond to grief, in our lives and others,
can have a huge impact on future happiness, in much
the same way that our management of pain and offense
and potential bitterness is a huge determiner of
future happiness.
For those who grieve:
- Try not to hide. Stay connected. Let
people help. Muster the energy to keep showing
up at church, even if all you can do is cry.
Don't isolate too much.
- Be patient with yourself. You might wish you
were stronger, or that you were more buoyant.
It is what it is, and you are who you are.
These things take time.
- Take care of your physical self…eating…exercising…see
a doctor, if necessary.
For those who love those who grieve:
- Words aren't that important. Don't stay away
because you don't know what to say. A simple
"I'm sorry for your loss," or "I love
you," is pretty good. Silence ain't bad either,
if you show up.
- Show up. If you're close, stay. Be with
them.
- Ask, "What do you need?" If they
can't tell you, anticipate need. But, here's
the catch, some busybodies stay and help when the
person who grieves wishes he/she wouldn't.
Watch for cues. Read the signs. Ask.
- Resist the temptation to burden those who grieve
with your own stories of grief. It's
impossible to come alongside a grieving person
without being reminded of our own losses, but it's
not impossible to keep our memories to
ourselves. A grieving person doesn't need to
watch your slideshow or look at my photo album of
past grief. When we do this, we're trying to
say "I understand." The grieving
person very quickly retorts, internally or out loud,
"How could you possible understand?"
- Cards, gifts, laughs, tears, friendship is so
good. Pour it on. Don't disappear in
this time of sadness.
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